I’ve been pretty busy with keeping my brain distracted from the relentless pain I have been experiencing for nearly five years now without much of a break at all.
The following is a manuscript based on a new work of fiction which places the first person narrative in the form of a WordPress blogger:
I am tempted to find something good or a trade off for what things were like before the neuropathy and other mystery diagnosis that affect my feet and lower legs, but I just can’t find one. Maybe I spend more time breaking down the few iOS apps that simulate the fine art painting experience until I have a flowing vernacular of autobiographical work to represent the other horror going on in conjunction with all of this, which is fair to say is the most unjust ridiculous event of my life. But I have a very difficult time saying that anything good will come out of this monstrosity of human behavior and the permitted level of greed that has my family gone from taking care that things are operating smoothly for the level of amenities that certain ppl have grown to take for granted in their isolationist rise to the top of a social order that lacks other people to the very real situation we are now in that has homelessness right around the corner … and all at the hands of those who say they love my wife and child. not me, but that’s nothing NEW in fact it has been verbalized that I should “just die“ given the onset of my medical condition.
It has taken quite a toll and taken everything we had built financially to be within grasp of a house payment when things changed by the force of a bulldozing fool guided by the strange jealous pretense of his wife who operates on alcohol and some elaborate fantasy involving her “inheritance” and the idea that she controls everything after their father dies .. a mirage of a morbid fantasy carried over from high school where all progress of maturity halted with the beginning of an unending addiction to the alcohol drug (I refuse to make any distinction that separates alcohol from all other drugs, since by its nature is just another chemical that acts on the pleasure centers of the brain that is often “abused”. because of the difficulty in associating alcohol with any minority group during prohibition; cocaine was associated with African Americans, cannabis was associated with Mexican Americans, opiates were associated with Chinese Americans, and alcohol was most prolific in the European American – which is the standard cultural Amnesiatic American Creed.
PARDON ME …. I SERIOUSLY FUCKING DIGRESS
This is a very small cross-section of recent work. if there is given interest in any pieces I post I may begin printing a very limited run of 2-10 of select pieces. check back for more “ART”.
*keeping my wits about me through the physical pain and watching my wife hide in a closet for months, feeling that she had lost her family in favor of a psychopath that had been handed a position (which she saved from complete shutdown over disqualification for bad credit) harassed her in ways that no one would believe, simply because they defy logic and make a seriously strong case that this person lacks a conscious .. and/or the fear of exposure for what identity has always been there, but never aloud to be known. At least I have never lived a lie. What I am is what I am … it would be conducive for certain ppl to stop attempting to attach some identity on me that is the antithesis of reality and start trying to listen to those that actually know me or better yet … find out from me.
As we agree to new stipulations regarding the places we upload and share the music we create … for free … there is a newly felt oddness that has crept into my 5 or 6 soundcloud accounts that make me feel like they don’t want me having 5 or 6 different accounts.
But the issue is that I have several “bands” to upload; stuff from the past. A LOT of it. as well as a constant flow of new music that may be created by myself only, but there are major differences in several approaches I take to creating the stuff I create, which I just cannot upload all under one name. so what is the answer?
I was told yea5s ago to ditch soundcloud for YouTube in light of the rights you retain to your content and the accessibility that YouTube has over soundcloud. so I’m following Elton Ridge’s advice and starting to do simple garagebandmobile uploads to (one or two of my) YouTube (channels). there’s just a photo to chose as a static image place holder, but that’s fine … it’s MUSIC and should be heard, to seen.
when it was suggested that we reduce, re-use, and recycle, they could not have known that computer/digital data would be a part of this paradigm, or could they?
it is not as if the growing mountains of garbage and non-biodegradable refuse which had statistician analysts predicting that we would be covered in our own pvc laden feces by the year 2001 could have understood that what they were asserting was not only peculiar in terms of fad/fashion and at risk of being a general trend amongst the populous, but they could also not have known that the non-degradable soiled diapers that were in fact merely digital simulacrum of the diaper volcanos set to erupt at any given year in the future could carry with them a tangible stench akin to profit margins and corporate greed based on capital and they idea that virtual data/material never disappears – and in most cases it actually compounds upon itself in the form of copies of copies of duplicates and cache based structures.
in 1996, while attending CSU Monterey Bay, the obvious nature of the importance of recycling and its two sisters were here to stay, with only a few instances of fadistic fashion which were used when other current even tusks were not applicable. Living in California coastal towns with small populations has a way of making the environment immediate. seeing a plastic bag or fork sticking in the sunset at the beach was most likely the result of some asshole tourists on a weekend trip from where they lived … which was in fact where I had lived not long before. inland California does not resemble the rest of the state at all. Central Valley inland California may as well be the Midwestern United States with its geologic ancient sea floor flatness that never modulates outside of the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mtns, and the same can be said of its politics. it is a hard turn to the right with a scant desolation amongst those that have been to see how our culture is truly defined and understand the connectedness amongst all people … rather than the isolationist dogma that still permeates the idea that possessions and mortgage define identity – not character or integrity, as they would have you assume as 80% of the population are killed or at least traumatized as the newly leased SUV collides with the public transport bus on its inefficienct right turn into the digital realm of the looping 15 seconds of infamy … there’s no longer anywhere to hide as cameras are everywhere on the streets, tho you would not necessarily know it. the amount of data that video is carving into the digital economy of public surveillance is astounding. what is done with these terabytes of terabytes of data?
I certainly hope they are not tossing it all into an iCloud, BOX, OneDrive, etc .. because no one wants digital diapers to over-power the data that sits in the cloud that we need. and when all is said and done, and a solar flare or polarity shift renders all information stored in these clouds actual, who will be caught without a data-umbrella in the rainstorm of stank and stale old videos taken of some idiots smoking reefer at the intersection of Willow & Van Ness? not me. and to make sure I’ve done my part – I am re assembling and reusing my vines and Instagram videos into YouTube longer length collaged video … as seen in the link for this blogpost.
I drafted this blogpost a long time ago. When the obvious was becoming not quite so obvious, but still discoverable without much financial impact on a personal level. However, as I am going back to edit this with the intent to publish, I’ve been left questioning the entire computing industry, and am developing the same mistrust and feeling of being burnt by a company that I really didn’t have a choice to trust when I jumped into graphic design, fine art prints, professional level audio engineering, and currently a intermedia fluxus leap into all of these things and more that my first G3 blue Yosemite Macintosh tower could never do. They may make the best products on the computing market for what I use them for, but after reading the entirety of the second link in this blogpost, I’m not sure I should be paying any tax on anything Apple. Nor do I believe anyone in the computing industry has the desire to do anything for any living thing, including the universe at large.
VJay, huh? so a free app has me seeing the hilarity of using other peoples’ music to cut-up and make new content and form with. I suppose in this situation it might be a bit slippery, however its intended purpose has nothing to do with money, notoriety, plagiarism, or even satire, as all in all it simply made me laugh (which is all I’m expecting with these endeavors). There is a stream of seriousness in cyberville about who owns what, the loss of privacy, and the death of MANY INDUSTRIES at the invisible hands of the binary dotcommie.
Personally I’m interested in seeing what else we lose in the process of trying to feed FREE Apps (since drafting this, the vernacular shifted to: GET Apps) to EVERYONE so that they may forget what’s going on around them on planet earth and dive into a sucker-filled, in-app purchasing giant to explode your debt load all over your face and down the legs and arms of your children and spouses, who themselves have their “borrowed” app’s held hostage from being in “the real”, “the now” without updates until that debt is paid and increased.
In terms of capitalism, the way in which this hybridized simulacrum of hyper-reality manifolds it’s way into the end user’s night-terrors is brilliant. I had thought for some time that it wasn’t such a big thing and only affected a demographic that was latent in finding the “GREAT ZERO” within their creative work – visual art, music, audio engineering, and (if you’re doing something with purpose) possibly a bit of contemporary social critique. But I forgot about all of those apps that I never pay attention to – the ones that have in-app purchases up the arthole …
GAMES. I won’t claim that these games have no value in contemporary culture, because they do. But they have only limited value for a certain set of people and that set – that demographic is usually not able to play such games. I will also say that for a young developing mind, they can be outwardly encouraging in areas of problem solving and pushing determination to the point of needing a new mobile device. But they also perpetuate the binaristic stance that will inevitably destroy everything … That there must be a loser and there must be a winner. And teamwork might be addressed, but remote teamwork is like texting; the worst form of human communication in terms of comprehensive meaning that we allow as a common, everyday form in the content we spew. For some interesting current info on the topic of games in education, you might want to read this. Tho the source is only mildly occasionally pathetic, don’t let it stop you – there some real NEWS in there.
This is the link that pushed me into my position for 2016 … I am in no way supporting any alternative here, as all Android and Windows based machines and Companies are equally terrible while providing an awful line of crappy products. But in case you don’t know about Apple Criticism and how evil evil computers can get … read it all.